It's A Beautiful Life...: "...With Every Christmas Card I Write"

It's A Beautiful Life...: "...With Every Christmas Card I Write"

CHOOSING YOUR WEDDING PARTY

One of the hardest decisions for both bride and groom is to pick the special people who will make up their wedding party. This is an especially hard decision if they have more than one friend!

Of course, the first priority should be siblings. If the bride has a married sister, she could be the matron of honor. An unmarried sister would be the maid of honor. Additional sisters and friends would be bridesmaids. Or it you have a very special friend, she could be the maid or matron of honor. The tricky part is keeping your wedding party at a reasonable number.

The groom usually chooses a brother or best friend to be his best man. Additional friends are groomsmen and ushers. Groomsmen can also double as ushers.

Additional friends can be used as greeters and guest book attendants.

One thing to keep in mind--the more people in the bridal party, the more expense involved. If you are trying to conserve money, you might encourage your bride to limit her wedding party to her very best friends. However, realize that she probably has best friends from every stage of her life since elementary school.

To look symmetrical the number of bridesmaids should equal the number of groomsmen. So hopefully the bride and groom will have the same number of best friends!

There have been situations I've heard of where the bride has a male as an attendant and the groom has a female. I've never been to a wedding like this, but apparently is has been done. Maybe some of you have seen that.

One thing the couple might consider is coming up with a special way of asking friends to be a part of their big day. They might ask them over dinner or coffee or with a card that states why that friend is special to them.

And hopefully, those friends not asked will not be too upset!

Can You Top This?

Since starting this blog, I have been hoping to collect some unique wedding ideas. Well, I certainly saw a unique idea the other morning on the Today Show.

The ceremony was conducted while the bride, groom, and minister were standing on top of the wings of 3 separate biplanes as the planes flew in formation. It was amazing. They started the ceremony on the ground, then strapped themselves onto the 3 planes and took off. They finished the ceremony with a ring exchange and kiss back on the ground!

I would imagine that finding the minister willing to perform this ceremony might have been a challenge!

Wedding Consultant--To Have or Not to Have

Someone you should consider hiring to help with your daughter's wedding is a wedding consultant. Wedding consultants provide services ranging from help with the wedding day all the way to planning, arranging and managing the whole affair.

You and your daughter need to decide how much help you will want. Quite honestly, the idea of handing the planning of the wedding over to a consultant did not appeal to me or Starry Eyed Daughter.

She and FS n L had definite ideas about what they wanted and did not want anyone "telling them what to do." And I had loved weddings since I was a little girl, so I was quite happy to avoid the extra expense of a wedding consultant.

Everything was proceeding on schedule. We had the location, the photographer, the caterer, the dress...everything seemed under control. A couple months into the engagement, Starry Eyed Daughter and I attended a Bridal Fair.

There were only a few vendors that we were looking for--florist, cake maker, videographer. We happened to stop by a display, and my daughter began talking to a woman who used to work at the high school she attended.

She now had her own wedding consulting business. We chatted for a few minutes and then continued through the bridal fair.

A few weeks later I suddenly became gripped with fear. How could I pull this wedding off smoothly? I got nervous just having the entire family to the house for holidays! What was I thinking?

So, unbeknownst to my daughter, I called the wedding planner and met with her and her partner. We discussed her services which could be as much or as little as I wished.

Since by this time we had most of the vendors, we did not need much help with that. But what I hired her to do was help me with making the timeline for the wedding day and to be there to make sure everything got done correctly.

The wedding was going to be outdoors in a park with the reception to follow in the park lodge. The only thing provided by the park were the facilities and tables and chairs. So I was concerned about pulling everything together.

Debbie and Dania from For All Occasions Events were wonderful. They listened to our ideas and gave good suggestions. They were very reassuring that we would have a beautiful wedding. They help Starry Eyed Daughter get everything into the schedule for the wedding day--including an afternoon of picture taking, and they saw that the ceremony and reception came off without a hitch.

One thing I learned--have someone besides yourself do the decorating on the day of the wedding. My sister in law was making the flower arrangements so she was there to help. My sister and her daughter also helped.

But, because I didn't think it would take as much time as it did, I had not written down or given anyone directions for how it should look. Only in my mind was it recorded. And I had turned down the help of a couple good friends because I thought I had enough help.

Therefore, I spent too much of my time that day with decorating when I could have given others the information, supplies and let them do the work.

When my Darling Dancer Daughter gets married, I will spend the extra $$ to hire Debbie and Dania to do the decorating. It would definitely make for a less stressed out mother of the bride on the wedding day!

Engagement Portrait

One of the most important choices you will make for your wedding is the photographer. Make this choice carefully. Ask your friends who have had weddings recently, go to an area bridal show, and look up web sites of local photographers before deciding on your final selection.

After the wedding is over all you will have are the memories and the pictures! I will be discussing photography in another post. This one will concern the engagement picture. Most photographers have package deals, some of which will include an engagement sitting. So you might choose the photographer first and then have your pictures taken.

Or you might go to a portrait studio in a department store or mall and have your picture taken.

The engagement picture will be used to announce your engagement in the local newspaper. Some couples now use their engagement picture with a signature frame as a guest book. This is a cute and practical idea because they can hang the picture in their new home and have a reminder of the special people who shared their wedding day.

I just checked out the web site www.ourweddingcast.com. Using it you can send out e announcements of your engagement, including a slide show of the proposal. They have other services available also.

Platinum Wedding?

The next step is to discuss budget. This discussion should be held with everyone who is going to be contributing to the financial support of this big day!

Traditionally, the wedding was funded by the bride's parents. However, it is my observation that now, in some cases, the bride and groom and the groom's parents contribute their 2 cents worth (figuratively speaking, of course).

How or why this is done should be determined by your unique situation. The default setting is the bride's parents pay for most of the expenses.

If the bride and groom are self supporting and have jobs with good incomes they may pay all or part of the costs. An advantage to this is that they don't have to justify expenses to the mom of the bride (or more importantly the dad of the bride). They can make their own decisions with little input from others.

A disadvantage of this is that they don't have to justify expenses to anyone and they can make their own decisions with little input from others:) It is not a good idea for a young couple just starting off to go in debt for a one day experience. So if the couple are good money managers and make a comfortable income (with seeming future job security) let them do as much as they can or want to.

The parents of the groom usually contribute or pay for the wedding if the parents of the bride are financially unable to provide. Or if the parents of the groom think their son and his Starry Eyed bride should have a grander wedding or reception than the parents of the bride are able or willing to provide. Or if they want to have something that the bride's family does not think is necessary.

An example of this might be alcohol at the reception. If the bride's family does not drink alcohol and the groom's family does, they might provide beer or wine or an open bar for their friends and relatives (of course, the bride's friends and relatives could also partake if they so desire!) at the reception.

Even if the bride's parents are picking up the tab for the whole deal, there are a few items that the groom, his parents, and his bride traditionally pay for:

The parents of the groom traditionally are responsible for:

1. the rehearsal dinner, including food, invitations, decorations, and entertainment

2. their own attire and travel expenses

3. a wedding present

The bride traditionally pays for:

1. the groom's wedding ring

2. a wedding gift for the groom

3. her hair and makeup, and the hair and make up of her attendants

4. gifts for her attendants

5. sometimes accomodations for out of town bridesmaids

The groom's traditional expenses include:

1. the marriage license

2. the bride's engagement and wedding rings

3. the honeymoon

4. a wedding gift for the bride-

5.the bride's bouquet

6. gifts for his attendants

7.corsages for the mothers and grandmothers

8.boutonnieres for men in the wedding party

9. sometimes accomodations for out of town groomsmen

10. fee for the officiant

Budget planning is an important first step. Sticking to the budget is even harder and more important!

A suggestion for Starry Eyed Daughter and Future Son in Law would be to sit down together and decide on a wedding theme or concept. They might even look into different wedding and reception venues to get an idea of the basic costs involved.

Then they could ask the bride's parents how much they would be willing and able to spend to make this dream come true.

The bride's parents, after careful consideration, would reply with a dollar amount they are willing to spend (i.e.$100 or $100,000 or somewhere in between) or with what expenses they would be able to pay for (i.e., wedding dress, reception decorations, and food, etc.) Or they might enthusiastically say "Go for it--we'll foot the bill!"

If their enthusiasm does not quite cover all the wedding expenses, then discuss plans with the groom's parents. If they are not the traditional sort, they may be happy to pay a portion.

An important thing to keep in mind while wedding planning--you can spend a ton of money on things that no one notices or remembers. And you can have a lovely, memorable day without selling your soul to the credit card companies:)

Announcing the Engagement

If you are a family that likes to party, an engagement party is always a good reason to do so. Invite family members and close friends or invite every single person you know. The more the merrier.

Traditionally, this party is hosted by the bride's family, but it could also be hosted by the bride and groom if they choose, or another family member or a close friend.

Some reasons to have an engagement party might be:
1. so that you can tell all your family and friends at one time
2. your family and friends can meet the other person's family and friends
3. its a reason to celebrate and any reason to celebrate calls for a party

Some reasons you may choose not to have a party might be:
1. you don't like to plan parties and you think they are a waste of time
2. it is just another event that you have to plan and PAY for
3. you would pretty much be committing to inviting everyone from your engagement party to your wedding and you might not be ready to do that without more thought

If you do choose to have the party, it can range from a very formal affair to a backyard barbecue or anything in between. It should definitely fit the style of the bride and groom.

It should take place soon after the engagement occurs and at least 6 months before the wedding.

Do not invite anyone to the party who will not be invited to the wedding (that would be very tacky!)

Do not expect gifts, although people will probably start asking where you are registered when they find out you are engaged, so start thinking about that. Go ahead and register for a few things before the party if you like. Some people might bring a gift to the party, but since a gift is not required do not open gifts at the party (because then those who didn't bring a gift will think they should have and really, they were quite ok in NOT bringing a gift). Open the gifts after the guests leave. Be sure that you write thank yous for any gift you are given.

If you choose not to have a party, that is ok, too. It just gives you more money and energy to put into planning the wedding. And quite honestly, Starry Eyed Daughter is probably going to be showing her ring to every person she sees! So that is a pretty good way to announce the engagement.

Another way of announcing the engagement is to put a picture of the couple along with a short write up into your local newspaper. Contact your local paper for information on how and when to do this.