Wedding Consultant--To Have or Not to Have

Someone you should consider hiring to help with your daughter's wedding is a wedding consultant. Wedding consultants provide services ranging from help with the wedding day all the way to planning, arranging and managing the whole affair.

You and your daughter need to decide how much help you will want. Quite honestly, the idea of handing the planning of the wedding over to a consultant did not appeal to me or Starry Eyed Daughter.

She and FS n L had definite ideas about what they wanted and did not want anyone "telling them what to do." And I had loved weddings since I was a little girl, so I was quite happy to avoid the extra expense of a wedding consultant.

Everything was proceeding on schedule. We had the location, the photographer, the caterer, the dress...everything seemed under control. A couple months into the engagement, Starry Eyed Daughter and I attended a Bridal Fair.

There were only a few vendors that we were looking for--florist, cake maker, videographer. We happened to stop by a display, and my daughter began talking to a woman who used to work at the high school she attended.

She now had her own wedding consulting business. We chatted for a few minutes and then continued through the bridal fair.

A few weeks later I suddenly became gripped with fear. How could I pull this wedding off smoothly? I got nervous just having the entire family to the house for holidays! What was I thinking?

So, unbeknownst to my daughter, I called the wedding planner and met with her and her partner. We discussed her services which could be as much or as little as I wished.

Since by this time we had most of the vendors, we did not need much help with that. But what I hired her to do was help me with making the timeline for the wedding day and to be there to make sure everything got done correctly.

The wedding was going to be outdoors in a park with the reception to follow in the park lodge. The only thing provided by the park were the facilities and tables and chairs. So I was concerned about pulling everything together.

Debbie and Dania from For All Occasions Events were wonderful. They listened to our ideas and gave good suggestions. They were very reassuring that we would have a beautiful wedding. They help Starry Eyed Daughter get everything into the schedule for the wedding day--including an afternoon of picture taking, and they saw that the ceremony and reception came off without a hitch.

One thing I learned--have someone besides yourself do the decorating on the day of the wedding. My sister in law was making the flower arrangements so she was there to help. My sister and her daughter also helped.

But, because I didn't think it would take as much time as it did, I had not written down or given anyone directions for how it should look. Only in my mind was it recorded. And I had turned down the help of a couple good friends because I thought I had enough help.

Therefore, I spent too much of my time that day with decorating when I could have given others the information, supplies and let them do the work.

When my Darling Dancer Daughter gets married, I will spend the extra $$ to hire Debbie and Dania to do the decorating. It would definitely make for a less stressed out mother of the bride on the wedding day!

Engagement Portrait

One of the most important choices you will make for your wedding is the photographer. Make this choice carefully. Ask your friends who have had weddings recently, go to an area bridal show, and look up web sites of local photographers before deciding on your final selection.

After the wedding is over all you will have are the memories and the pictures! I will be discussing photography in another post. This one will concern the engagement picture. Most photographers have package deals, some of which will include an engagement sitting. So you might choose the photographer first and then have your pictures taken.

Or you might go to a portrait studio in a department store or mall and have your picture taken.

The engagement picture will be used to announce your engagement in the local newspaper. Some couples now use their engagement picture with a signature frame as a guest book. This is a cute and practical idea because they can hang the picture in their new home and have a reminder of the special people who shared their wedding day.

I just checked out the web site www.ourweddingcast.com. Using it you can send out e announcements of your engagement, including a slide show of the proposal. They have other services available also.

Wedding Planning Timeline

Before I get involved in too many details, I think I should give you a timeline for making your plans. This is going to be based on a 9 month engagement. You, of course, will have to customize it to your engagement time and other circumstances. For instance, if you and your daughter live in separate cities, you may have to try to do more things at one time when you are together (unless she is letting you plan everything!)

So, here goes:

9 months to go

1. bride's and groom's families need to meet if you don't know each other. Even if you do know each other you can still get together and celebrate (assuming, of course, that you are happy about all this--and if you're not... well, we need to talk about that later)

2. announce your engagement at a party--if you like to have parties--otherwise, just start telling your friends (or just stick your ring finger in their face until they notice something)

3. announce your engagement in the newspaper

4. discuss budget with everyone who will be contributing--traditionally, this was the bride's family. However, I have noticed that now many brides and grooms pay a portion, as do the parents of the groom. The more the merrier I say!

5. pick a date--but be flexible until you see how this date works out with the venues you want

6. have your engagement picture taken

7. start looking around for a wedding consultant if you need the help (I will definitely be writing more about this later)

8. choose your bridal party and ask them to be a part of your big day

9. make your guest list (this is VERY important--I'll be sharing personal experience why in a later post LOL)

10. book site for ceremony and reception

11. make sure you talk to your pastor, priest, rabbi or whoever you want to do the honors. Their schedules get pretty hectic also!

12. start looking for and book photographer, caterer, musicians

13. start the wedding dress search

I will be discussing some of these items in more detail in future posts. All you moms and brides who have gone through this part, please feel free to jump in with comments or advice based on your experience.

Also, stay tuned for more of the planning timeline...

Step One--Set a Date

Probably the very first thing that the future bride and groom need to do is set a date. Weddings can be planned in a short amount of time. I had a friend whose daughter had a wedding 3 weeks after deciding to get married. WOW! Talk about a whirlwind!!

But 6 months or more is preferable. I think 9-12 months is ideal. However, it is not uncommon for an engagement to last longer than a year. Especially if you have your heart set on a very popular wedding or reception venue.

Each season of the year has its own beauty in terms of colors, flowers and decorating for the wedding. June has always been the wedding month. May is also very popular. And September and October are quickly gaining on May and June in popularity.

A couple things to consider: the more you want a certain day and month, the more other people will probably want it. A Saturday in June or October may be harder to book than a Friday night or Sunday afternoon in either month. Also, consider a less popular month. Many wedding vendors will actually give discounts for less popular dates or times. That is something to check out.

My daughter wanted a particular park for her wedding. I had never heard of the park so I didn't think there would be a problem reserving it for a May or June wedding. So I called immediately and found out that it was booked every Saturday from early May to late October. So they chose to have their wedding on Friday evening.

By choosing a Friday, we actually paid less for the rental fee and had no trouble getting the photographer, florist, caterer and cake maker that we wanted.

So, choice #1 in a long line of choices that need to be made--date and time of wedding.

Take Care of You

Today I want to give you some tips for taking care of yourself over the next few months. You can pass these on to Starry Eyed Daughter also.

Trust me--this is important. My neck and shoulder were literally tied in knots by the end of this process. Don't know for sure how it started (I think it was due to starting an intense exercise program too quickly), but I know that stress, poor posture during much computer time, and lack of quick attention contributed to my problem. Hopefully, you can avoid this:)

1. Get plenty of rest

2. Drink plenty of water

3. Eat healthy food

4. Take care of your spirit and soul

5. Have a consistent exercise routine. If you don't already have one, start soon and start slowly!

6. Create good communication with other family members--especially Dear Hubby and Starry Eyed Daughter.

7. Be organized!!!!!!

If anyone out there has anything to add to the list from your experience please feel free to comment!

Look for more details on each of these later. Have a great weekend!

The Whirlwind Begins

The phone rings or the doorbell chimes…it’s Starry Eyed Daughter with Handsome Boyfriend. “Guess what, Mom! We’re engaged!”

In the blink of an eye Handsome Boyfriend becomes Future Son in Law and your world is plunged into a whirlwind of wedding planning. If you are fortunate (like I was) you already like Future Son in Law and are ready to welcome him with open arms into your family. If you are not fortunate–well, that is the subject for a future post!

Going on the assumption that you like or even love Future Son in Law, we’ll begin the discussion with what to do after you’ve oohed and aahed over the beautiful ring and wondered how FSinL could have afforded it.

Here are my recommended first steps:

A. Sit down with Starry Eyed Daughter and FSinL and discuss some major things–namely budget and each one’s vision for the wedding. Include Dad in this discussion if he wants to be there. He will usually be most interested in the wedding budget and how FSinL is going to support his little girl:)

B. Have a 3 ring binder with pockets in which to keep notes, pictures, ads, ideas, business cards, etc.

C. Decide on the role that you as a mother will play in the wedding planning process. Several choices will be:

1 . major planner

2. passive bystander

3. supportive confidant (emotionally and financially)

Let your daughter tell you which one she wants you to be. Some girls want their mom to do it all. Some want their mom to let them run with it and some want you to be ready to step in whenever they need you. Remember, even though you’ll feel like this day belongs to YOU–it really belongs to HER.