Platinum Wedding?

The next step is to discuss budget. This discussion should be held with everyone who is going to be contributing to the financial support of this big day!

Traditionally, the wedding was funded by the bride's parents. However, it is my observation that now, in some cases, the bride and groom and the groom's parents contribute their 2 cents worth (figuratively speaking, of course).

How or why this is done should be determined by your unique situation. The default setting is the bride's parents pay for most of the expenses.

If the bride and groom are self supporting and have jobs with good incomes they may pay all or part of the costs. An advantage to this is that they don't have to justify expenses to the mom of the bride (or more importantly the dad of the bride). They can make their own decisions with little input from others.

A disadvantage of this is that they don't have to justify expenses to anyone and they can make their own decisions with little input from others:) It is not a good idea for a young couple just starting off to go in debt for a one day experience. So if the couple are good money managers and make a comfortable income (with seeming future job security) let them do as much as they can or want to.

The parents of the groom usually contribute or pay for the wedding if the parents of the bride are financially unable to provide. Or if the parents of the groom think their son and his Starry Eyed bride should have a grander wedding or reception than the parents of the bride are able or willing to provide. Or if they want to have something that the bride's family does not think is necessary.

An example of this might be alcohol at the reception. If the bride's family does not drink alcohol and the groom's family does, they might provide beer or wine or an open bar for their friends and relatives (of course, the bride's friends and relatives could also partake if they so desire!) at the reception.

Even if the bride's parents are picking up the tab for the whole deal, there are a few items that the groom, his parents, and his bride traditionally pay for:

The parents of the groom traditionally are responsible for:

1. the rehearsal dinner, including food, invitations, decorations, and entertainment

2. their own attire and travel expenses

3. a wedding present

The bride traditionally pays for:

1. the groom's wedding ring

2. a wedding gift for the groom

3. her hair and makeup, and the hair and make up of her attendants

4. gifts for her attendants

5. sometimes accomodations for out of town bridesmaids

The groom's traditional expenses include:

1. the marriage license

2. the bride's engagement and wedding rings

3. the honeymoon

4. a wedding gift for the bride-

5.the bride's bouquet

6. gifts for his attendants

7.corsages for the mothers and grandmothers

8.boutonnieres for men in the wedding party

9. sometimes accomodations for out of town groomsmen

10. fee for the officiant

Budget planning is an important first step. Sticking to the budget is even harder and more important!

A suggestion for Starry Eyed Daughter and Future Son in Law would be to sit down together and decide on a wedding theme or concept. They might even look into different wedding and reception venues to get an idea of the basic costs involved.

Then they could ask the bride's parents how much they would be willing and able to spend to make this dream come true.

The bride's parents, after careful consideration, would reply with a dollar amount they are willing to spend (i.e.$100 or $100,000 or somewhere in between) or with what expenses they would be able to pay for (i.e., wedding dress, reception decorations, and food, etc.) Or they might enthusiastically say "Go for it--we'll foot the bill!"

If their enthusiasm does not quite cover all the wedding expenses, then discuss plans with the groom's parents. If they are not the traditional sort, they may be happy to pay a portion.

An important thing to keep in mind while wedding planning--you can spend a ton of money on things that no one notices or remembers. And you can have a lovely, memorable day without selling your soul to the credit card companies:)

Announcing the Engagement

If you are a family that likes to party, an engagement party is always a good reason to do so. Invite family members and close friends or invite every single person you know. The more the merrier.

Traditionally, this party is hosted by the bride's family, but it could also be hosted by the bride and groom if they choose, or another family member or a close friend.

Some reasons to have an engagement party might be:
1. so that you can tell all your family and friends at one time
2. your family and friends can meet the other person's family and friends
3. its a reason to celebrate and any reason to celebrate calls for a party

Some reasons you may choose not to have a party might be:
1. you don't like to plan parties and you think they are a waste of time
2. it is just another event that you have to plan and PAY for
3. you would pretty much be committing to inviting everyone from your engagement party to your wedding and you might not be ready to do that without more thought

If you do choose to have the party, it can range from a very formal affair to a backyard barbecue or anything in between. It should definitely fit the style of the bride and groom.

It should take place soon after the engagement occurs and at least 6 months before the wedding.

Do not invite anyone to the party who will not be invited to the wedding (that would be very tacky!)

Do not expect gifts, although people will probably start asking where you are registered when they find out you are engaged, so start thinking about that. Go ahead and register for a few things before the party if you like. Some people might bring a gift to the party, but since a gift is not required do not open gifts at the party (because then those who didn't bring a gift will think they should have and really, they were quite ok in NOT bringing a gift). Open the gifts after the guests leave. Be sure that you write thank yous for any gift you are given.

If you choose not to have a party, that is ok, too. It just gives you more money and energy to put into planning the wedding. And quite honestly, Starry Eyed Daughter is probably going to be showing her ring to every person she sees! So that is a pretty good way to announce the engagement.

Another way of announcing the engagement is to put a picture of the couple along with a short write up into your local newspaper. Contact your local paper for information on how and when to do this.

Meet the Parents

Ideally, by the time of an engagement each person should have met the other person's family. If not, do so quickly. A lot can be learned about a future spouse by meeting his/her family:)

According to the traditional rules of wedding etiquette, after the engaged couple has told both sets of parents about the plans, the parents of the groom should contact the parents of the bride and give their congratulations (for what, I'm not sure--that they are acquiring a new son?)

My FS n L's mom sent a card with a picture of their family. I thought that was quite nice. I don't think she said congratulations--actually, I felt like congratulating her because her son had won my daughter's heart (LOL).

If the families live in the same town one set of parents might invite the other over for dinner or suggest meeting at a restaurant. This is a good way to get acquainted if you don't already know each other.

If the families live in different towns (or as in our case) different states, things get a little harder. Depending on circumstances (distance, cost, convenience, etc.) one family might travel to meet the other family.

In our case we traveled to meet FS in L's family because we had never met them, but also because our couple was going to live in their city after the wedding, and we wanted to see where they would be living!

Another thing you might think about is meeting somewhere in the middle between the two hometowns. Perhaps there is an interesting place to visit or a resort or nice hotel somewhere in the middle that would provide a pleasant meeting place.

The main thing is that it is important for the families to have met before the hectic wedding weekend begins.

There will be many things to discuss--after all your two families will be bound together for many years to come--sharing holidays, grandchildren and many other events.

If it is not feasible for the families to meet, at the very least the mothers should establish some form of communication--telephone or email.

Wedding Planning Timeline

Before I get involved in too many details, I think I should give you a timeline for making your plans. This is going to be based on a 9 month engagement. You, of course, will have to customize it to your engagement time and other circumstances. For instance, if you and your daughter live in separate cities, you may have to try to do more things at one time when you are together (unless she is letting you plan everything!)

So, here goes:

9 months to go

1. bride's and groom's families need to meet if you don't know each other. Even if you do know each other you can still get together and celebrate (assuming, of course, that you are happy about all this--and if you're not... well, we need to talk about that later)

2. announce your engagement at a party--if you like to have parties--otherwise, just start telling your friends (or just stick your ring finger in their face until they notice something)

3. announce your engagement in the newspaper

4. discuss budget with everyone who will be contributing--traditionally, this was the bride's family. However, I have noticed that now many brides and grooms pay a portion, as do the parents of the groom. The more the merrier I say!

5. pick a date--but be flexible until you see how this date works out with the venues you want

6. have your engagement picture taken

7. start looking around for a wedding consultant if you need the help (I will definitely be writing more about this later)

8. choose your bridal party and ask them to be a part of your big day

9. make your guest list (this is VERY important--I'll be sharing personal experience why in a later post LOL)

10. book site for ceremony and reception

11. make sure you talk to your pastor, priest, rabbi or whoever you want to do the honors. Their schedules get pretty hectic also!

12. start looking for and book photographer, caterer, musicians

13. start the wedding dress search

I will be discussing some of these items in more detail in future posts. All you moms and brides who have gone through this part, please feel free to jump in with comments or advice based on your experience.

Also, stay tuned for more of the planning timeline...

Step One--Set a Date

Probably the very first thing that the future bride and groom need to do is set a date. Weddings can be planned in a short amount of time. I had a friend whose daughter had a wedding 3 weeks after deciding to get married. WOW! Talk about a whirlwind!!

But 6 months or more is preferable. I think 9-12 months is ideal. However, it is not uncommon for an engagement to last longer than a year. Especially if you have your heart set on a very popular wedding or reception venue.

Each season of the year has its own beauty in terms of colors, flowers and decorating for the wedding. June has always been the wedding month. May is also very popular. And September and October are quickly gaining on May and June in popularity.

A couple things to consider: the more you want a certain day and month, the more other people will probably want it. A Saturday in June or October may be harder to book than a Friday night or Sunday afternoon in either month. Also, consider a less popular month. Many wedding vendors will actually give discounts for less popular dates or times. That is something to check out.

My daughter wanted a particular park for her wedding. I had never heard of the park so I didn't think there would be a problem reserving it for a May or June wedding. So I called immediately and found out that it was booked every Saturday from early May to late October. So they chose to have their wedding on Friday evening.

By choosing a Friday, we actually paid less for the rental fee and had no trouble getting the photographer, florist, caterer and cake maker that we wanted.

So, choice #1 in a long line of choices that need to be made--date and time of wedding.

More Picture Ready...

Just a couple more of my favorite Mary Kay products that I want you to consider adding to your skin care routine. Day and Night Solution, and the Microdermabrasion Set.

The Day Solution, with an SPF of 25, helps prevent lines and discoloration by blocking UVA/UVB rays and a calming peptide helps relax expression lines. And you are never too young (or old) to start blocking those damaging rays and relaxing those expression lines!

The Night Solution helps fade away lines and wrinkles while you sleep. It is packed with vitamins and antioxidants combined with collagen enhancing peptides.

The Day and Night Solution combines with TimeWise 3n1 cleanser, Moisturizer and a foundation of your choice to create the "Miracle Set." This set works together beautifully to bring you younger looking skin with improved firmness, fewer lines and wrinkles, and more even skin tone. You will notice visible results in 6-8 weeks.

For immediate results I recommend that you try the TimeWise Microdermabrasion Set. This 2 step process fights fine lines, refines pores and achieves beautifully smooth skin immediately. It is an immediate gratification product!

Of course there are also more expensive and more painful ways to achieve younger looking skin. But maybe we'll talk about that later.

In the meantime, start (or continue) your skin care routine and your diet and exercise plan. And stick with it. I'll be encouraging you as we go along. And I hope you will be encouraging me also!

Be Picture Ready continued

I found a pilates video and an exercise ball that I actually got as a Mary Kay star consultant several years ago. They are in great condition--just like brand new--due to lack of use:) So I'll be trying it out later today. Stay tuned for my report.

Diet and exercise are long term commitments both for your health and well-being as well as to avoid shock when you first view a picture of yourself standing next to Starry Eyed Daughter. Or the feeling of frustration that comes when you can't find a mother of the bride dress that hides all the rolls:) If you and your daughter live together or near each other, it would also be a great thing to do together whenever possible. More bonding time, etc.

However, there is an easier way to ensure that you are picture ready for the big day. And that is by instituting a good, comprehensive skin care program.

There are many skin care programs on the market. If you don't already have a favorite, let me suggest my favorite--Mary Kay--for both mother and daughter.

Every good skin care program has 5 essential parts

1. Cleanse

2. Exfoliate

3. Tone or Freshen

4. Moisturize

5. Protect

Mary Kay does all this in 3 easy products. The TimeWise 3n1 Cleanser takes care of the first 3 steps. There is a formula for normal-dry skin and for combination-oily skin.

Wash your face morning and night with this cleanser, follow up with the TimeWise Moisturizer in the formula that best suites your skin type and finish with a foundation (morning only, of course).

If Starry Eyed Daughter's skin is oily, she might try the Velocity Products.

These are the very basic steps to good skin care. And if you haven't started taking care of your skin, start now. I'll talk more about anti aging, wrinkle fighting products in future posts.

I am passionate about anti aging. I used to think I just wanted to grow old gracefully. But when I started growing old and found out that I didn't feel old inside, I found that I didn't want to look old either. And trust me taking care of your skin is much easier than diet and exercise:):)

Makeup for the wedding day is something all brides (and their moms) are concerned about. But that makeup will look much better if the skin it is applied to is in tip top condition. Start today!

If you don't already have a good skin care program I invite you to visit my MK web site www.marykay.com/kparson. You can do a virtual makeover and there is even a link for brides. So visit and have fun. Oh and if you visit leave me a note and tell me you were there! (and a disclaimer--this blog is in no way affiliated with Mary Kay Cosmetics except through me--a long time user and fighter of wrinkles and fine lines!)

Now before I leave you to go put in that pilates video, I want to quote a friend who made a most memorable comment after she saw her daughter's wedding pictures.

"I told my husband... I know when we got fat, but when did we get old?" (Thanks for the great line, Deb!) Let that not be YOU!

Be Picture Ready on the Big Day

Today I'd like to talk about how you will look the day of the wedding. Yes, I know that the wedding is a year or more away unless your Starry Eyed Daughter is like mine and wants to have her wedding in 8 months.

Remember, on the day of the wedding YOU won't be the one holding the camera. Consequently, you will BE in at least a few of the pictures! So let's start now on a health and beauty regimen that will insure that you will be picture ready on the big day.

I'll start along with you. I didn't quite make it weight wise for my first daughter's wedding, so maybe if I get started with you now, I'll achieve success by the time of my second daughter's wedding:)

The first step is a consistent exercise program. If you don't currently exercise, start off slow and build up your time and endurance.

My favorite form of exercise is walking--either outside or on a treadmill or using an elliptical. Start with 10 or 20 minutes and work up to 45 minutes or an hour at least 4 times a week. If you are not already doing that, you'll be surprised by how good you will feel, both physically and mentally. Not only is it good for your body, it is good stress relief!

Pilates is something I am going to try--anyone already do pilates? I'll let you know about my efforts when I get started:) And for you fitness buffs, there are weights, machines and gyms. Go for it!

Along with exercise, of course, goes a sensible diet. I'll be writing more about this also as I get more motivated to join you in this endeavor. Feel free to write encouraging tips and let me know how you are doing with your eating habits!

There is much more to write about this topic, but it must wait until later. Until then...

Take Care of You

Today I want to give you some tips for taking care of yourself over the next few months. You can pass these on to Starry Eyed Daughter also.

Trust me--this is important. My neck and shoulder were literally tied in knots by the end of this process. Don't know for sure how it started (I think it was due to starting an intense exercise program too quickly), but I know that stress, poor posture during much computer time, and lack of quick attention contributed to my problem. Hopefully, you can avoid this:)

1. Get plenty of rest

2. Drink plenty of water

3. Eat healthy food

4. Take care of your spirit and soul

5. Have a consistent exercise routine. If you don't already have one, start soon and start slowly!

6. Create good communication with other family members--especially Dear Hubby and Starry Eyed Daughter.

7. Be organized!!!!!!

If anyone out there has anything to add to the list from your experience please feel free to comment!

Look for more details on each of these later. Have a great weekend!

The Whirlwind Begins

The phone rings or the doorbell chimes…it’s Starry Eyed Daughter with Handsome Boyfriend. “Guess what, Mom! We’re engaged!”

In the blink of an eye Handsome Boyfriend becomes Future Son in Law and your world is plunged into a whirlwind of wedding planning. If you are fortunate (like I was) you already like Future Son in Law and are ready to welcome him with open arms into your family. If you are not fortunate–well, that is the subject for a future post!

Going on the assumption that you like or even love Future Son in Law, we’ll begin the discussion with what to do after you’ve oohed and aahed over the beautiful ring and wondered how FSinL could have afforded it.

Here are my recommended first steps:

A. Sit down with Starry Eyed Daughter and FSinL and discuss some major things–namely budget and each one’s vision for the wedding. Include Dad in this discussion if he wants to be there. He will usually be most interested in the wedding budget and how FSinL is going to support his little girl:)

B. Have a 3 ring binder with pockets in which to keep notes, pictures, ads, ideas, business cards, etc.

C. Decide on the role that you as a mother will play in the wedding planning process. Several choices will be:

1 . major planner

2. passive bystander

3. supportive confidant (emotionally and financially)

Let your daughter tell you which one she wants you to be. Some girls want their mom to do it all. Some want their mom to let them run with it and some want you to be ready to step in whenever they need you. Remember, even though you’ll feel like this day belongs to YOU–it really belongs to HER.